The Cubicon and The Safe

Long time ago, when The Cubicon and Mrs. Sphere had just gotten married and moved into their new apartment, the apartment building had just been finished so not all apartments had tenants and there were still a couple of apartments that were having some changes done before their owners moved in. Current times and insecurity had taught The Cubicon that having strange people around -- the contractors -- was always risky. That, plus the fact that both The Cubicon and Mrs. Sphere worked daytime jobs meant that their apartment was empty during several hours every day. And, for sure, with all the fuzz going on in the building, the other tenants were not going to suspect an open door or strange noises. So, both The Cubicon and Mrs. Sphere agreed that a safe was needed to store their valuable things.

Well, nor The Cubicon nor Mrs. Sphere are rich. Far from it. However, that only increased the feeling of insecurity. Having someone break into their apartment and steal what they earned with effort was a bad thing to happen. Still, The Cubicon knows that money and valuable things are better stored in places for that: banks, safe deposit boxes, and such. But then, what was the use for a safe? Documents. Everyone knows that getting documents stolen is really a pain in the … . Passports, permits, birth certificates, marriage certificates, etc. do not have intrinsic value in them except for the value in time you will waste getting copies of them if they are stolen. Every document is issued in a different place and with different requisites and many times one document is requisite to get another. Queues. Fees to pay. Not if it can be avoided. All that paper stuff goes into a safe. If the world truly and fully adopted technology, there would not be the need for paper, and thus: no safe. So it is the world that is to blame for The Cubicon's current predicament.

Predicament? Well, yes. Story goes like this. To store paper stuff, a state of the art safe with biometrics and all that crap is not needed. Unless one is paranoid. The Cubicon is not (yet) paranoid. Just a small, numeric pad electronic safe would do. That is what The Cubicon bought: an electronic safe a little bit bigger than a box of shoes. That was enough. The Cubicon, being as he is, did not request the store to send someone to install it. The Cubicon is quite crafty with tools and after several years has acquired a quite complete tool set. Nothing to build a house, but enough to do all the required housework. This is something the The Cubicon must thank to his father. That is another story.

Back to The Safe. The Cubicon chose a discrete place: floor of a closet, where shoes are usually stored, towards the back wall. There the safe would not be seen by anyone opening the closet standing up. To see it someone would have to crouch. Perfect. The Safe was to be bolted to the floor from within the safe, so The Cubicon placed the included template (the one that shows where to drill the holes) on the floor, marked the place and just about to start drilling... The Cubicon started thinking: placing it like that would make the floor part of the closet not deep enough to put really anything there. Change of plans: place it in the same part towards the back wall, but sideways. The Safe's sidewall would be facing outward and the door would open to the side... into the closet. There. More space to put long things if required. A bit harder to access, but The Cubicon was not expecting to be using The Safe on a daily basis. That small change of placement would prove a great thing some years later.

After properly bolting it to the floor, The Cubicon put the batteries, configured the code and tested it several times to be sure. That was it. Done. Some clean up of the drilling and no one knew anything had happened. This was 7 years ago.

Some two years passed uneventfully. The Safe worked fine until one day it did not. Batteries were gone, The Safe did not open. No problem. The Safe came with a pair of keys to be used in such cases as dead batteries and non-working keypad. Safe opened. Next step: change the batteries... but not right then... The Cubicon was in a rush that day. He would do it later. Later became LATER. LATER became NEVER.

Five more years went by. Key worked fine. One day, about a couple weeks ago, The Cubicon needed to do a bank payment and remembered there was some money in The Safe. The Cubicon had stored it there for cases like this. Last minute need (forgotten about the final payment date) and there was no time to go other bank to get the money. Saved by The Safe. So, The Cubicon opened the safe with the key, got some money out, put the rest back in and closed the safe. Just then, The Cubicon thought that he better get a little more just in case. Go figure: just one min before everything was ok... now the safe did not open with the key. Damn. Well, payment was covered. The Cubicon would handle it later. That very same night, before doing anything drastic, The Cubicon searched the web for options for cases like this. All cases said: use the backup key that came with the safe. Hmmm... that was not working. Eventually, The Cubicon came to several answers that he already knew, but did not want to accept: The Safe would need to be opened forcefully. Even like this, The Cubicon tried some other options: WD40 on the key hole, removing the plastic cover of the front door, etc. No luck. Even the cheap ones (OK, yes, it was a cheap safe) are hard to open. So, now it was a matter of choosing the way to do it. It would have to be a way that required little space to maneuver due to placement, and basic tools. Tools of choice: drill with metal drill bit, metal saw, eye protection and some luck.

Today was the day. The Cubicon was going to force The Safe open. One whole week of meditation to get ready. Pity to do that to a fellow cubic shape, but... money is money. The Cubicon got to it. Remember when The Cubicon decided to place it sideways some seven years ago? Well, it was worth it. Drilling through the door is impossible. Too thick. Opening it would have been practically impossible without prying it out of the floor placing to get access to the sides or bottom. The Cubicon installed it and knew that prying it from floor it was bolted to would have taken a feat of strength to achieve. However, it was facing sideways. Good. It took 50+ little holes drilled on the side of The Safe really close to each other, in the shape of a rectangle just big enough to fit The Cubicon's hand. Damn them huge hands. One drill bit died in the process. Snapped in half. It was too thin for the chosen task. Next drill bit in thickness replaced the deceased one. The Cubicon was careful enough to drill not too fast. Sparks or high heat from friction is something The Cubicon did not want anywhere near his money. Screw the documents. The Cubicon was worried about the money. Then it took a bit more drilling to make the little holes wider, but not drilling all the way through. The big drill bit could do any sorts of damage to the valuables. The aim was just to widen the holes a bit. After the big drill bit, there were only thin pieces of metal separating each hole. The Cubicon then drilled the corners of the rectangle wide enough to fit the metal saw (the thin kind). Finally, The Cubicon used the saw to cut the thin metal pieces in between the holes. Only three sides were enough. Then just a big screwdriver to pry open the loose plate and break it off from the remaining side to cut. Only 40min after starting and after the excruciating sound of drilling into metal, valuables were recovered intact. Money at hand... and complete. Yes, complete. Even when it was inside an impossible to open safe, The Cubicon counted it anyway. You know, just in case. The Cubicon works hard to earn it. Ten more minutes for cleanup of the metal dust and shards and there was no clue that such an attack on The Safe had taken place.

What did The Cubicon get from this seven-year long experience? For starters, do not postpone things to later. Later tends to become Never. The Safe with the nasty hole on the side will be taken out Later. Ha!!! And: even the cheap safes take quite a bit of work to open. Of course, there are better tools to do it easier and faster. But also, it is a risk against the contents. Any high rotation tool or welding rig can create sparks or enough heat to burn the paper contents. Read: money. Anyway, regardless of how it is done, it takes quite a bit of work. Enough to be a deterrent against most thieves. Finally, The Cubicon noticed that all those movies where a safe is drilled through the face plate to put a fiber optics camera or what not... all lies. In the movies, the drilling is practically silent. Just a mild screeching is all you hear. The thieves do it with someone guarding it just next door and no one notices. BS. The sound that came from The Cubicon's drilling was anything except quiet. Moreover, it was a cheap safe. Imagine the metal density of the high-end safes shown in movies that are worth the risk for someone to try breaking into. Aha, silent drilling. BS!!

Well. Day over. Money recovered. Safe left in nasty shape. The Safe is not safe anymore. Good day in the end.

The Cubicon and The List

Today, November 19th, The Cubicon has been overwhelmed by media mentions of today being "International Men's Day". Radio. TV. Newspaper. Internet. Everywhere. Inaugurated 1999. Just heard of it.

In the event of this day, and being human (barely), The Cubicon gives you a story which all married men (human or not) can feel identified with.

List? What is "The List"? Well, The Cubicon is married (read The Cubicon's introductory post here!). So? What is "The List", then? Please bear with The Cubicon. Anyone who is married will know that wives say "You always..." or "When will you remember to ...." or "How many times have I told you to...". You get the idea. They would not be wives, otherwise. The manner of this can be with several kinds of  face expressions or body poses, but they all show despise or even contempt. Yes, it is true, even when the wife is hinted about it and denies it, saying "I did not say it like that". Of course, that is true only if the husband does not get a "Well, maybe next time you'll remember". And, even more, this is true regardless of whether it is really always or only once or if it has happened only once after a long time of not happening at all. It will always be "ALWAYS". No way of denying it or even trying to argue against it. It is a fact of married life. Mrs. Sphere is no different.

So, get to" The List" then!!! Ah yes. "The List". Well, despite of barely being human, The Cubicon still loves Mrs. Sphere, and tries his best to make her and keep her happy. This, of course, does not mean that Mrs. Sphere never gets angry with The Cubicon. But, The Cubicon, REALLY does try to keep things going with the least amount of problems (or as The Cubicon sees it: "friction") as possible. The Cubicon likes to keep things well oiled to minimize friction. SO!? Yes, yes. "The List". Getting there. The Cubicon, at times would really like to be a machine to avoid forgetting things; but still, The Cubicon's forgetfulness is proof that he is still human. By now, you might know where this might be going. If not, it won't be long now. Now to the point: "The List". The Cubicon, to avoid one of married men's most dreadful moments: "You ALWAYS... " and so on, does keep -- Yes, REALLY -- a List (also known as "The List") of all the things that have earned him a "You ALWAYS... " or "When will you remember to ... " or "How many times have I told you to ...". That is The Cubicon's solution. Success rate: 97%. Well yes, nothing is perfect. The other 3% failure rate is due mostly to The Cubicon's own fault. What?!? Yes, sometimes, The Cubicon forgets to go over his own list. What can he do, he is human in the end. There is also a small percentage that can be considered chance, but that is almost negligible.

Well then, what is in the list? Curious? Here goes some of it. Precede every one of the following by any of "You ALWAYS ..." or "You never remember to ..." or the rest...
- leave shoes lying around. The Cubicon now puts every single pair of shoes in the closet. He would rather walk bare foot than to risk it by something so dumb as wearing shows in winter.
- forget to flush the toilet. The Cubicon now flushes the toilet twice or even three times to avoid any hint of leftovers. Damn those Vitamin B Complex pills and their bright yellow consequences.
- leave your phone charger on the night stand. The Cubicon now unplugs and rolls the phone charger cable as soon as phone is charged and stores it in the night stand drawer. Unrolling the cable is always hard. Phone chargers are designed to become tangled when not supervised. Anyway, The Cubicon will not risk it
- leave the shower curtain inside the tub. The Cubicon now takes the shower curtain outside of the tub after every bath. Will check several times to be sure.
- leave your spit in the sink after brushing your teeth. The Cubicon now cleans the sink after every tooth-brushing session. And to avoid possible false-positives, The Cubicon will also clean the sink after washing his hands. It defeats the purpose of washing his hands, but by now the policy is NO RISK.
- leave your clothes lying around in the floor. The Cubicon now picks up every possible piece of clothing and puts it in the dirty clothes basket. No matter is trying on clothes to go to work, used clothes will go to basket even if used for the length of time it takes to trying them on.
- leave your wet towel in the bathroom . The Cubicon now takes the towel to dry after every bath. Towel goes to dry even after Mrs. Sphere takes a bath. The ARE different towels, but... NO RISK!

Just a small sample. List is long.... and still growing. The Cubicon has, in more than one occasion, started the car to go to work to then remember that he forgot to do something in the list. Action plan: The Cubicon turns off the car, returns home, does whatever he forgot, leaves again, turns on the car again and goes to work with heightened inner peace. The Cubicon will rather arrive late to work than earn a new "You ALWAYS ... " for forgetting something that he has not forgotten for over 6 months.

The Cubicon has not so many requests nor is he picky about those kinds of things. The Cubicon sees something that seems to be out of place, like a lemon (yes, the one used for lemonades) in the bathroom floor (true story!!), and thinks: "there must be a reason for that, I'll better just leave it there". You know, picking it up might earn him a "Where did you put the lemon I left on the bathroom floor?", followed by "You ALWAYS do things without asking me first". No sir!! The Cubicon will not fall for that one. Not again, at least.

But still, The Cubicon has one -- yes ONLY one -- request: keep the desk of the family computer tidy. But do you think that that single ONE request is ever taken care of? You guessed it right. No. Never!!

Well, that's life.

Who is The Cubicon

He is The Cubicon. Really? Is that his name? Well, no. He would have very bad/strange parents if he was really called "Cubicon". So, why that name then? It is just a one word summary of all that he is and the names he has been called. What is he? Stuck to the rules. Unchanging. Rigid. What has he been called? Square. Robot. Cyborg. Stubborn. Emotionless. Edgy. Fixed. So, "The Cubicon" fits.

What does he do? He is starting to write a blog. For a living, you mean? He works in the telecommunications business. Area or expertise? Technical side. There is always something new to learn. That's it? Well, if you must know, he works in an international Telco company. Chinese, for that matter. Is he Chinese? No. Neither does he understand them. Has he worked for Chinese companies for a long time? Thank God, no. Is he planning to? No. Will he? Maybe. In the way Chinese companies are growing, more and more of the market share in Telco is Chinese owned. Has he worked for other Telco companies before? Yes. A European one. You can imagine the difference in styles. European company went better with The Cubicon's personality. Why did he go Chinese, then? Money. What can he say? The Cubicon is, despite the general opinion, human in the end.

Personal life? Tries to. Not working very well. The amount of work Chinese companies put on everyone is unbelievable. Married? Well, yes. Wife? Mrs. Sphere. There cannot be anyone more different to Mr. Cubicon than Mrs. Sphere. It makes it interesting. Children? One. the Sphericube. Spherical on the outside, cubed in the inside. Tough combo. Between so much work and family life, what gives? Cubicon's sleep time. Only thing The Cubicon can safely sacrifice. On the short term at least.

Introduction over. This blog will tell The Cubicon's story: past & present. Not future. The Cubicon cannot foresee the future. Yet...