Today, November 19th, The Cubicon has been overwhelmed by media mentions of today being "International Men's Day". Radio. TV. Newspaper. Internet. Everywhere. Inaugurated 1999. Just heard of it.
In the event of this day, and being human (barely), The Cubicon gives you a story which all married men (human or not) can feel identified with.
List? What is "The List"? Well, The Cubicon is married (read The Cubicon's introductory post here!). So? What is "The List", then? Please bear with The Cubicon. Anyone who is married will know that wives say "You always..." or "When will you remember to ...." or "How many times have I told you to...". You get the idea. They would not be wives, otherwise. The manner of this can be with several kinds of face expressions or body poses, but they all show despise or even contempt. Yes, it is true, even when the wife is hinted about it and denies it, saying "I did not say it like that". Of course, that is true only if the husband does not get a "Well, maybe next time you'll remember". And, even more, this is true regardless of whether it is really always or only once or if it has happened only once after a long time of not happening at all. It will always be "ALWAYS". No way of denying it or even trying to argue against it. It is a fact of married life. Mrs. Sphere is no different.
So, get to" The List" then!!! Ah yes. "The List". Well, despite of barely being human, The Cubicon still loves Mrs. Sphere, and tries his best to make her and keep her happy. This, of course, does not mean that Mrs. Sphere never gets angry with The Cubicon. But, The Cubicon, REALLY does try to keep things going with the least amount of problems (or as The Cubicon sees it: "friction") as possible. The Cubicon likes to keep things well oiled to minimize friction. SO!? Yes, yes. "The List". Getting there. The Cubicon, at times would really like to be a machine to avoid forgetting things; but still, The Cubicon's forgetfulness is proof that he is still human. By now, you might know where this might be going. If not, it won't be long now. Now to the point: "The List". The Cubicon, to avoid one of married men's most dreadful moments: "You ALWAYS... " and so on, does keep -- Yes, REALLY -- a List (also known as "The List") of all the things that have earned him a "You ALWAYS... " or "When will you remember to ... " or "How many times have I told you to ...". That is The Cubicon's solution. Success rate: 97%. Well yes, nothing is perfect. The other 3% failure rate is due mostly to The Cubicon's own fault. What?!? Yes, sometimes, The Cubicon forgets to go over his own list. What can he do, he is human in the end. There is also a small percentage that can be considered chance, but that is almost negligible.
Well then, what is in the list? Curious? Here goes some of it. Precede every one of the following by any of "You ALWAYS ..." or "You never remember to ..." or the rest...
- leave shoes lying around. The Cubicon now puts every single pair of shoes in the closet. He would rather walk bare foot than to risk it by something so dumb as wearing shows in winter.
- forget to flush the toilet. The Cubicon now flushes the toilet twice or even three times to avoid any hint of leftovers. Damn those Vitamin B Complex pills and their bright yellow consequences.
- leave your phone charger on the night stand. The Cubicon now unplugs and rolls the phone charger cable as soon as phone is charged and stores it in the night stand drawer. Unrolling the cable is always hard. Phone chargers are designed to become tangled when not supervised. Anyway, The Cubicon will not risk it
- leave the shower curtain inside the tub. The Cubicon now takes the shower curtain outside of the tub after every bath. Will check several times to be sure.
- leave your spit in the sink after brushing your teeth. The Cubicon now cleans the sink after every tooth-brushing session. And to avoid possible false-positives, The Cubicon will also clean the sink after washing his hands. It defeats the purpose of washing his hands, but by now the policy is NO RISK.
- leave your clothes lying around in the floor. The Cubicon now picks up every possible piece of clothing and puts it in the dirty clothes basket. No matter is trying on clothes to go to work, used clothes will go to basket even if used for the length of time it takes to trying them on.
- leave your wet towel in the bathroom . The Cubicon now takes the towel to dry after every bath. Towel goes to dry even after Mrs. Sphere takes a bath. The ARE different towels, but... NO RISK!
Just a small sample. List is long.... and still growing. The Cubicon has, in more than one occasion, started the car to go to work to then remember that he forgot to do something in the list. Action plan: The Cubicon turns off the car, returns home, does whatever he forgot, leaves again, turns on the car again and goes to work with heightened inner peace. The Cubicon will rather arrive late to work than earn a new "You ALWAYS ... " for forgetting something that he has not forgotten for over 6 months.
The Cubicon has not so many requests nor is he picky about those kinds of things. The Cubicon sees something that seems to be out of place, like a lemon (yes, the one used for lemonades) in the bathroom floor (true story!!), and thinks: "there must be a reason for that, I'll better just leave it there". You know, picking it up might earn him a "Where did you put the lemon I left on the bathroom floor?", followed by "You ALWAYS do things without asking me first". No sir!! The Cubicon will not fall for that one. Not again, at least.
But still, The Cubicon has one -- yes ONLY one -- request: keep the desk of the family computer tidy. But do you think that that single ONE request is ever taken care of? You guessed it right. No. Never!!
Well, that's life.
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